


Which Avenger Has The Best Ass?

by Gothic_Lolita



Series: Stark Men Are Made Of Hope [6]
Category: Marvel, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Because Fuck Marvel, Canon Divergence - Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Crack, Fluff, Gen, I Wrote This A Month Ago Why Am I Posting It Just Now, I'm just tired, MJ Is A Little Shit, Not Canon Compliant, Parent Tony, Peter-centric, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Stark Men Are Made Of Hope Series, The Avengers Are Good Bros, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 06:13:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14805869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothic_Lolita/pseuds/Gothic_Lolita
Summary: Peter invites Ned and MJ over to work on a science project. The usual family chaos ensues.





	Which Avenger Has The Best Ass?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I wrote this forever ago, but I didn't like it, and I just procrastinated posting it because fuck me. I don't know anymore, I'm trying here. But hey, it's here now?

Peter led his friends into the Avengers facility, briefly waving at Happy as the walked through the lobby.

“Do you really live here?” Ned asked with wide eyes, as they walked over to Peter.

Peter shrugged. “I mean, yeah.” He grinned a bit.

“Does living with the Avengers make you more safe for being surrounded by trained heroes, or less safe for being an easy target?” MJ asked, staring at Peter as they all got into the elevator.

Peter blinked. “I-I… safer? I’m not sure, I’ve never-never really thought about it.”

“Will we see anything confidential?” Ned was practically bouncing with excitement.

“Only if you find Uncle Bucky’s stash of cookies,” Peter said, shrugging. 

The elevator dinged, and they walked into the communal floor of the Avengers. “I’m home!” Peter shouted, dropping his bag at the door. “Come on, you guys want something to eat? I think there’s leftover lasagna if Uncle Pietro didn’t eat it all.” He led them into the kitchen.

Peter got out the lasagna and plates, and the three of them dug into it.

“Hey, Pete.” Steve came in, giving him a smile, then opening the fridge and bending over to get something out of the vegetable drawer. 

MJ pulled out her phone and took a picture of his ass.

“MJ!” Peter mouthed, eyes wide. She only shrugged. Steve walked out of the kitchen, and Peter smacked MJ. “That’s my uncle! Captain America! And you took a picture of his ass!”

“I’m doing a study of which Avenger has the best ass,” MJ said, shrugging.

“Who’s winning?” Ned asked.

“Ned!” Peter smacked him.

MJ smiled. “It’s a tie between Iron Man, Captain America, the Winter Soldier, Black Widow, Hawkeye, and Peter.” She took a bite of lasagna.

“Me?” Peter frowned.

“I have some great shots, look.” MJ shoved her phone in Peter’s face, swiping through photos of Spider-Man.

“I’m not even really an Avenger, I’m just-” Peter trailed off, then went pale. “Wait, wait-I’m not-how did you- I’m not-not Peter-Man, I’m just Spider- wait, no I mean-” 

MJ stared at him, unamused.

“How did you know?” Peter mumbled, cheeks now pink.

“Are you serious?” MJ deadpanned. “I didn’t, until just now.” Peter groaned.

Tony stumbled into the kitchen, muttering to himself, covered in grease. He went straight for the coffee maker, yawning.

“A genius in its natural habitat,” MJ noted, snickering. Peter snorted.

Tony downed two cups of coffee in one go, then spun around to face Peter, Ned, and MJ. “Oh, hey, Peter.” Tony yawned.

“Hey, dad,” Peter said, putting away the lasagna. 

Tony stared at MJ and Ned. “He’s the one who hacked into my suit, right?” Tony pointed at Ned.

Ned’s eyes went wide. “I-I how-did you tell him?” Ned glanced at Peter.

“Kid, did you really think I wouldn’t find out about your hacking job? I’m Tony fucking Stark.” Tony rolled his eyes. “But still, you did do a decent job. When you graduate, feel free to apply for SI, I could use younger techs who actually know what they’re doing.” Tony flashed a smile, then stumbled out of the kitchen again.

Ned’s eyes were wide. “Did you hear that? Tony Stark just complimented me!” His voice held a layer of hushed awe.

Peter rolled his eyes. “It’s not really that big a deal. He’s a regular person, just like the rest of us.”

Ned opened his mouth to argue, but there was a rush of wind, and suddenly Pietro was sitting on the freezer, eating what was left of the lasagna.

“Woah,” Ned muttered. Peter smacked him.

“How fast can you go?” MJ asked, tilting her head back. “If the Flash were real, could you beat him in a race?”

Pietro scoffed. “Of course I would beat him.”

“How does superspeed affect your sex life?” MJ said.

“MJ!” Peter stared at her, kicking her under the table while Pietro choked on lasagna. “You don’t have to answer that. Please don’t answer that.” Peter rushed to get the words out. “Come on, let’s go to my room.” Peter grabbed both of his friends and forcibly dragged them away.

They passed the communal living room, and Peter groaned when MJ and Ned both stopped to see.

Clint and Natasha were sharing one of the couches and watching a movie that was in Russian with English subtitles. Steve was sitting on a lounge chair, sketching. Sam and T’Challa shared a loveseat, both on their phones. Bucky was sitting on the floor, half reading a book and half watching Peggy, who was putting stickers on his metal arm.

Peter dragged them away again when he noticed MJ taking pictures again.

 

* * *

 

Peter lost track of time, working on their science project until the door flew open.

“Aunt Wanda told me to tell you it’s dinner time, and she made extra for your friends. We’re having beef stroganoff,” Harley said, walking into Peter’s room.

“Learn how to knock!” Peter complained, shooing his brother out of his room. “Come on.” Peter waved MJ and Ned into the kitchen.

Per usual, the Avengers were already spread around the kitchen, all in different places. After letting Peter, MJ, Ned, and Harley get food, it was a free for all.

Bucky came in carrying Peggy, getting snickers from the other Avengers.

“How’d that happen?” Tony asked, gesturing to Bucky’s stickered arm.

The response he got was Peggy taking a sticker and sticking it on his forehead. Tony blinked, startled.

“Try and take it off, I dare you.” Bucky’s voice was weary and tired, glare deadly.

“Alrighty, then.” Tony flashed a nervous smile and went back to eating. Bucky got a dish, and a smaller plate for Peggy, letting her sit on his lap as she ate while he sat on the freezer, next to Pietro.

“Come on, I’m at least in the running.” Clint was arguing with Sam when they came into the kitchen, diving for the food.

“Nah man, it’s between Steve and Nat,” Sam said, pouring a glass of juice.

Clint looked around the room, then narrowed in on MJ and Ned.“You two are impartial, be honest, who do you think is the hottest Avenger?”  Clint asked, staring at them.

“I’d say Black Widow, but I’m afraid she’d kill me, but I also think she’d kill me if I picked someone else, so… I don’t know?” Ned stumbled over his words, looking pale.

“Smart kid.” Natasha hummed.

MJ, however, didn’t have a problem answering. “The Winter Soldier.” She said easily, stabbing a salad with her fork.

Bucky choked so hard on his dinner that he scared Peggy.

“Come on!” Clint shouted, throwing his arms in the air.

“You have the best ass, though.” MJ shrugged. Peter wanted to die, at that moment.

Clint whooped, doing a victory scissor kick in the air. “Damn straight I do! Take that, Wilson!” He purposely wiggled his ass in front of Sam.

“Language.” Steve sighed but was mostly ignored.

“Get that thing outta my face.” Sam wrinkled his nose, leaning back.

“The only ass he likes in his face is T’Challa’s,” Natasha said, studying her nails.

T’Challa choked on water while Sam let out a loud and impressive string of curses that had Bucky holding his hands over Peggy’s ears, and Steve holding his over Harley’s.

“How did you know that?” Sam demanded.

“I’m a superspy.” Natasha tossed her hair over her shoulder. “And I’m a floor below you, and you’re loud.”

“And you’ve been head over heels for him since you first met ‘im,” Bucky grumbled.

“I have not!” Sam defended. “You little-”

“Sam, my kids are in the room, would you watch your fucking language?” Tony said, glaring at him.

Sam opened and closed his mouth a few times, before grumbling to himself about white people, and eating his dinner.

“Is it always like this?” Ned mouthed to Peter. Peter thought a moment, then nodded. Ned nodded with him. “Cool.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> A new poll for the audience. Should I add Riri Williams? Because FUCK I want to, but I don't know how many fans of this series actually know who she is.
> 
> Also, I finally figured out this thing called Tumblr. Come annoy me there if you want more content from yours truly, I'm @WinterIron-Trash


End file.
